Things are getting better :)

O.K. I am finally happy to be here! I have been waiting for this to happen and worrying that it wasn't going to. I have gone through a whole series of emotions from fear and shock to loathing and inferiority complex, to trying to figure a way out, to acceptance and happiness. You know it takes a while for some things in life to sink in. My life has been very surprising to me and has thrown me some curve balls that not only caught me off guard, but hit me square in the face. But you know, Heavenly Father has helped me through it all. I feel like I have been pushing my way through a blinding fog. I haven't been able to see anything, but I just put my nose to the grindstone and kept going and now I'm coming out on the other side. Things are not peachy. They are still hard, but what I think is happening is that my perspective is changing. This is such a deep transformation that it takes time to even recognize what is happening. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but my entire frame of reference is expanding. My view of the world is changing. My comfort zone has new boundaries and I am becoming a different person. I have seen pride in myself that I didn't realize was even there. I have seen immaturity in myself that I didn't realize was there. I have recognized that love means more than I ever imagined. I have a new comprehension of how important my husband and children are to me, and how important people are in general. I have continued to receive service here that astounds me and I continue to experience the amazing capacity for good in so many people. You know, Joe and I have a hard time with some things. We have some real challenges. But we sit up a night and talk now about our challenges in a new light. I cannot tell you all how unimportant some things seem when you have seen so many people living with NOTHING. We are living on a tiny island. This place is really not that big. The poverty we see represents a problem that is so large we don't even comprehend it. We have been so blessed, but when we honestly think about it, we have spent far too much time and energy focusing on material things. The Hatian men who are working on this construction site, live on this construction site. You see the blue tarp? They live under that. This is what we see out our front window. Material things are definitely important-especially for those who don't have any. We are learning a lot from people we see who have nothing, but we are also learning a lot from friends who have a lot materially but who give exponentially as well, not just of their posessoins, but of themselves. I think it's going to take me years just to digest this experience!

I am so grateful for my little family. They are all I care about in the world. When my family is happy, I am happy. When we are working hard to serve each other, everything really does look brighter and life is just plain good. We still don't have much. We still have our challenges and problems to sort out. But we have so much more than so many and we have each other. We also have a chance to be in this place where we can learn together in an environment that we've not experienced before. One that is helping us see people in a new light. I wonder what we will do with all of this...

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